Rock and Roll

I think I’ve surrendered. I’m waving the white flag as we speak. I applied to Southeastern and I’m 99% sure this is what God has for me. I think I ran from God for a while and tried to fight it – not smart.  I don’t recommend it. I’m signed up for preview day in February. I’m scared and nervous and afraid to get excited about it. I’m used to plans failing and not working out so my nerves are on the rise. I also think I’ve been depressed lately. Living in my parent’s basement, single, jobless with a degree I can’t do anything with = subdued depression. Also constantly being asked how my love life is going by church people doesn’t help. Have they seen the men on this island? I haven’t been my happy-go-lucky self, I’m not excited about anything and I think I’ve been gaining weight as a result of it. I quit caring. But I think propelling myself forward and actually doing something is helping.

I’ve still been thinking a lot about Honduras. The missionaries are here for a couple weeks and I’m supposed to be having a meeting with them. We shall see. I’m afraid to get excited about this too. Getting out of here for a couple months and think of nothing but serving God and the people of Honduras would be absolutely ideal. They just elected a new president and the situation with the old pres is under control and peaceful. Trying not to get to anxious.

Sanity is on the rocks and making a slow recovery. New music and itunes giftcards are helpful 🙂

Let it snow baby, let it reindeer

So I feel stuck. I’ve been living at home since May and things are good, however I’ve come up with a new slogan for my life status – peaceful frustration. I have no idea what I’m doing in life or what I’m supposed to do. It’s that whole waiting on God thing, not fun. These are the options I’ve thought of thus far;

– Moving to Honduras. I emailed the missionaries there and am awaiting a response. I’m incredibly impatient.

– Going to Southeastern Seminary. This is the thing I really do not want to do. I am not a school person by any stretch of the imagination and the classes are going to be 10 times harder. Apparently a college degree means nothing anymore in this world and everyone wants seminary. I’ve been trying to find the loop hole and there seems to be o luck there. Stupid economy/job security. I’m not bitter.

– Global youth ministries. I would love for that to work out, however I know nothing of my options. I’m thinking of emailing Roger Glidwell and telling him my situation.

Conclusion? Money sucks butt. There are absolutely no jobs here. Life is not my friend… Also I believe God has closed the door on Journeyman. So we’re back at square one. Pray for sanity and clarity. Bleh.

Everything’s Right

So the past few days have been very intersting. Yesterday I figured out that I can’t do camp and do this class at the same time. I know that I have to keep my priorities straight – first and foremost that would include finishing school.  I may not always like what God said, but I am trying to be confidently obedient here. So I’m officially home for good as far as I know. It’s all very strange. Dad and I are going to Graceville on Friday (thats the plan) and we are going to get the last of my stuff. So yesterday and today I have been going a million miles an hour trying to get all my stuff done so that I can take this dreaded course. Just get it done, just get it done…

Also today I got an email from the IMB saying that all upcoming J-mans are being postponed because of lack of giving. I think it’s sad that we can’t even afford to send out missionaries anymore. But God’s timing is perfect and He has a purpose for everything. Now I’m just waiting. Waiting to finish my degree, waiting to be able to live downstairs, waiting to find out when and if I’m still donig J-man. Geez. I did realize that not doing camp has opened up some doors and opportunitities. I can now to Wired camp this summer (maybe), work starting ASAP, begin babysitting, become the a pro beach bum, start running, make the downstairs look nice, possibly work with the youth this summer, help out with VBS if they need it.  I’m trying to be positive here. Just goes to show that we are not to rely on our own plans and ourselves, but only God.

I saw this the other day and it stuck with me;  May the vision of You be the death of me.

I’m trying to remember that.

Sometimes I feel like I live in a sitcom…

I have determined that moving in the rain sucks. I’ve gotten hardly anything done. I also believe that the next vehicle I purchase (3 years from now) needs to have plenty of storage room. Well Friday I graduated, pretty sweet. I don’t think it will hit me for a while though. I’m in the process of moving home and getting ready for camp. I really am excited about camp!

I’m home this weekend and I didn’t know that church was having revival as well. Tony Nolan is amazing! People are getting saved and getting serious about Jesus. It really makes me want to move back. It was so great to be back at church. God is so good.

Next Saturday Brittany is getting mawaged! So excited! I definitely came home (parents are in the mountains) and all that my parents have to eat is pizza and ice cream – not particularly ideal for trying to fit in a bridesmaids dress. Then I’ll be coming home again next week for a Dr.’s appointment and some more moving. This time the parentals will be here to move some more stuff. These people never get rid of ANYTHING! The entire downstairs is like a bad antique store. My mom still has cds and really old crappy toys we used to play with. (when I was like 2) and I told her she should get rid of them – then she said well my grandchildren can play with them. Being that my brother is hopeless (Lord bless him) that implies my children will be playing with them. I told her my children will be playing with new things. Funny. Today I also attacked the butt-ugly wall paper in the downstairs bathroom (rainbow colored raindrops and umbrellas – my grandma had some special decorating talents goin on).

I’m really not a fan of moving. I did get rid of a TON  of stuff though. Not only is there absolutely no room to put anything (see previous paragraph) but I have hardly any help and it’s been like hurricane weather outside ever since I came home. Im-freakin-possible. Oh and my AC is in my trunk and I definitely can’t lift it myself. Love it.

Well for the first time in a while I’m pretty excited about life and what comes next – the possibilities are up to God and God alone. I will keep you posted on the important stuff. Thats all for now from the peanut gallery.

Updates as of late

So theres a lot going on in my petite mind. I have been praying about Journeyman since January and am 95% sure this is what God wants for my life. I’ve been praying a lot about South Africa and college ministry there. We will see what the Lord does! I for one am pretty excited about it. With journeyman I also have to lose about 30 lbs, yay. I need to though. Come on motivation! Also I sent in my application for Camp Worldlight. Hopefully that will work out because that would be amazing! That would be something awesome to do for the summer.

Today marks 61 days until graduation. Between journeyman, graduation (and all the tests and papers that come with it), playing catch up with World Religions and trying to graduate, Brittany’s wedding, wedding stuff, trying to fit into a bridesmaid’s dress, possibility of doing camp, trying to figure living situations after camp and possibly moving (until I leave for J-man), finishing the j-man application (before camp), raising money/support letters, ILC and maybe NY, theres a little stress going on. So friends, what can you do? Pray! Pray that the Lord keeps me sane, haha.

Percolating

I’ve come to a conclusion that life is a lot like the making coffee. I am currently at working at the coffee shop and this is what goes through my mind. As the percolating process begins, hot water flows from the source through coffee grounds through a filter and into the coffee pot. Pretty basic. However from a Christian standpoint we start out as plain, clear, regular old water – nothing has happened to us and we’re devoid of any flavor or color. Then we flow through the rough and gritty stuff. And everybody’s can be a different flavor. This operation doesn’t require skill but the “stuff” of life isn’t always easy to get through. However we do get through the bumpy portion and meet the filter (Jesus). The filter removes all of the lumpy grits that try to pass through to the final product. None of us want to look cadiwompus on the outside. After the filtering exercise we smell good, we have a nice color and we taste heavenly. He helps us get through the rough stuff so that we may become a delight to the senses. Oh taste and see that the Lord is good! Theres more to making coffee that meets the eye (or tongue!)

Bucket List

Good Morning Blog World (yes, morning!) The movie says not to do this, however they were old and I’m well, not. There’s more to this list but I currently cannot remember the rest. Read on.

Things to do before you kick it

1. Get married and have a family

2. Kiss the Blarney stone

3. Visit every Continent (except Antartica)

4. Hail a cab

5. Graduate College

6. Bungee Jumping

7. Sky Diving

8. Hot Air Balloon

9. Live in another county

10. Go to New York

11. Whale watching

12. Stand on the Great Wall of China

13. Own a house and dog

14. Take up photography

15. Go to Israel

16. Grape Stomping

I struggle with forward motion…

So the semester is over and I have been quite the bum for the past three days and am thoroughly enjoying it. It’s so weird to be constantly going and then abruptly stop. Next week we’re going to Berkelee’s wedding and then I’m going home for about 10 days. Yay for Christmas! Then me, Mary, Brittany and HEATHER (yes we get to see Heather!) are going to Disney for a few days, so excited! So as far as the near future is concerned, it’s pretty great.

Lately I’ve noticed that everyone else seems to be moving forward with their lives and I’m just kinda like a sitting duck. I get so excited for everyone else, really. And I know that God has His perfect timing, I guess I just get impatient. I also realized that sometimes I let these things in my mind get the best of me. They rob me of the true source of  joy; my salvation.

Love this song! Restore to me

Hide your face from my sins
and cover my iniquities
Create in me a clean heart
and renew a right spirit within me

Don’t cast me away from Your presence
or take Your spirit from me

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
Restore to me the wonders of your love
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
Restore to me, restore to me

Deliver me from this hour of darkness
Through the pain and brokenness
And I will sing of Your loving kindness
And of Your righteouness

Chinatown Revisited

So today my friend Beth texted me again and said that they couldn’t get the name of the tickets changed, so China is a no-go. Which I’m perfectly content with. I think God was testing me to see if I would listen to Him and seek the answer out or just do what I want to do. But this way I get to go to Berkelee’s wedding  and help plan lots of other wedding stuff with Brittany. Mind is a little less boggled.

Chinatown

About 6 months ago I was thinking and praying about going to China with my friend Beth and her church. Well I kinda gave up on it and just quit thinking about it. So today Beth texted me and said that a spot had opened up and it was paid for and asked if I still wanted to go! So I told her I’d pray about and go ahead and send off for my visa. I so did the happy dance in the shower! The trip is December 15-26, so I would miss Heather coming home from Africa, Berkelee’s wedding and Christmas with my family. That seems like a lot, but I think I’d rather be sharing the story of Jesus with Chinese people that have never heard it. That also means that I’d leave in 2 WEEKS! And today my dad was telling me how dangerous it is for Christians to be there, but if you’re in God’s will there’s really no safer place to be. I guess I’m so cautious about this because I usually just jump right into things without even thinking about them and I don’t want to do that, I want to seek God and figure out what He wants for my life. I mean of course I’d love to go, its CHINA! I just don’t want to be out of His will. I was hoping maybe God would tell me in some kind of very blatant way and today in Christian History all of a sudden we start talking about China. My thought was “….God?” I’ve been thinking a lot lately about God’s call on my life and what it is and I realized I’ve been to all these amazing places, but I’ve never been eastern. Maybe God will broaden my horizons? Keep praying, I’ll keep you posted.